Most of us at one time or another indulge in consideration of what we might do if we suddenly came into a large amount of money, say, by winning the lottery. What would it be like to be able to do anything, money being no issue? Recently I’ve talked with several friends going through life changing experiences, and yesterday, having just gotten off the phone with one of them, I had the thought that if I won the lottery, I might like to stop working and just be there for my friends and family. For instance, if someone had surgery, I’d be able to go and wait with the family in the waiting room, run errands and cook meals. If someone lost a loved one, I’d be able to drop everything to go to the funeral, even in a distant city. I think I could really appreciate the job of being there for the people I love professionally. I hate it when something major is happening and I’m not able to be present for it.
In a way, I kind of have that job already, though the people I get to be there for are my therapy clients, and I don’t typically get to know them before they’re struggling, since they come to me often when things have reached some sort of tipping point, and we dive in together. Often when I ask clients about their social supports, they talk about their hesitance to talk to friends and family or ask for help because, after all, no one wants to be a burden. Usually when this comes up, I ask them to recall a time they were there for someone else in a time of need, and what that felt like. It’s generally a very good memory, often something that led to a closer relationship with that person, or something that called them to delve a little deeper into themselves and find something really valuable they didn’t know they possessed. I have never once had anyone talk about what a pain it was, or how it required them to leave work early, or how they didn’t get as much sleep that night because of it.
I want to say this clearly because it’s easy to forget: It’s a privilege to be able to be there for the people we love. It’s an absolute privilege.