Today, more than anything, I wanted to be outside. There have been beautiful days already this spring, but for some reason, today, it hit me that we have a brief transitional season, and soon it may be uncomfortably hot for hiking, even after work. So I drove a long way in rush hour traffic to a favorite trail I haven’t visited in almost a year. I walked as fast I could up to the top of a bluff, to a place I’d been thinking about all day. I stretched out on the cool rock and looked up through the trees, watching vultures fly overhead.
Almost immediately, I started thinking about how the sun was going down, and I’d have to leave soon. I wondered if it had been worth it to drive all that way for this five minutes or so in this place. I thought about my life over this last year, how hard it had been to find time like this, and how much I needed it. I thought about a house I’d seriously thought of renting, one not too far from this exact spot, though much too far from many of the other aspects of my life, things that were also sincerely important to me. I asked myself why I keep setting things up this way, where too many things are pulling me in different directions.
The only answer I came to was that whatever else was pressing on me at the moment, there was something in me that had fought hard for that five minutes at the top of the bluff. However long the drive, it was completely worth it.