I want a good night’s sleep.
I want to get up without feeling
That to waken is to plunge through a trap door.
George Bilgere, from “What I Want”
Lately, I have not wanted to get out of bed in the morning. The radiators in my ancient apartment building are not yet functioning at full force, though the morning cold is. Out of bed, there are conflicts to be dealt with, decisions to be made, impossible walls to be scaled. My dreaming life is so much more inviting. It is hard indeed to put my feet on the cold floor, look out my window, and say, sincerely, thank you for another day.
But today on my way to work, I passed a landscaped lawn with one sprinkler on. The sprinkler turned, the water hit the light, and a rainbow formed, just in that one moment, as I happened to glance over. It was a wink from some other awareness, from the part of me that knows, this seeming reality, too, is just another dream world. It was a moment of seeing, awake, to the other side of the trap door. It made the idea of getting up tomorrow a little easier.